Cyclist
Opinion: It’s OK to be bored of the Classics
In an effort that superlatives do no justice to, Mathieu van der Poel took the cobblestone trophy on Sunday at Paris-Roubaix in ever-habitual MVDP style. With an advantage of three minutes by the time he rolled into the Roubaix Velodrome, the inevitable victory triggered a wave of applause from cycling historians, pundits and fans alike, as we all marvelled in a titanic Sunday in Hell.
Let’s be honest, as impressive as it was, the race lacked any tangible sense of entertainment and intrigue. A race finish never felt so cathartic.
This race was not in isolation. The men’s Classics season has never felt longer, more fatiguing and unenthusiastic as it has this year. After weeks of trailing through Belgium and France, through hills and cobbles, we still have the prospect of two Classics weeks left. For the first time, tuning in for the Classics feels like a chore.
Look beyond the ever-growing list of historical feats unlocked by Van der Poel and Tadej Pogacar and we can clearly see that this year’s Classics campaign has been nothing short of sterile.
The Classics in 2024 can be compared to vanilla ice cream. We have that guaranteed sweet flavour that we 100% expect, we have the ice cream we asked for in its most basic form, but there is no flavour to leave a taste in your mouth. No one ever orders vanilla ice cream at the gelateria. No one is longing for a scoop of vanilla ice cream. That said, ice cream is ice cream after all – how picky can we be?
Still with me? Good.
As the hot air blows in from the north of Europe, with plenty of talk about how boring this year’s Paris-Roubaix and Tour of Flanders were, it’s time to, ironically, join the discussion.
This is a safe space, it’s OK to admit that the Classics have been boring this year. Paris-Roubaix felt like a foregone conclusion, Strade Bianche was a snoozefest and the prospect of a Liège–Bastogne–Liège without opposition seems, bluntly, gut-wrenching.
The one man band
The Classics this year feel like they could have been an email. With unrivalled long-range attacks, weak startlists and dominant team rosters, the Classics have felt predictable to say the least. For instance, in Kuurne-Brussel-Kuurne, Strade Bianche, E3, the Tour of Flanders and Paris-Roubaix, the bookies’ favourite took the win.
The Tour of Flanders, Paris-Roubaix and Strade Bianche all saw their own race records and extremities stretched this year. Those races all had long-range efforts that eclipsed previous records held in at least the past ten years.
It has been decades since the cobbled Classics were last tamed with such dominance. By sealing Paris-Roubaix last weekend, Van der Poel claimed three of the four major UCI WorldTour cobble races he competed in this year. The only race he lost, he finished in second place behind Lidl-Trek’s Mads Pedersen – a rider who has proven that he may be one of the few to dethrone the dominance of Van der Poel and Van Aert in the years to come.
Rarely did it feel in doubt that Van der Poel would claim the titles at the Tour of Flanders and Paris-Roubaix. This admittance of defeat on the start line shifted a deep dark cloud over the state of affairs at the race paddock this year.
With Remco Evenepoel out of the Ardennes Classics due to injury, it is looking even more likely that we will have another obscene long-range effort for glory from Tadej Pogačar as he searches out yet another Monument win. If Strade Bianche had you dozing off, get ready for yet another two hours watching the Slovenian champion galavant around a one-day race profile.
As lucky as we are to have these greats competing at the top level right now, cycling has never been more predictable. Gone are the days of Maxim Ignlinksy winning Liège–Bastogne–Liège, or a shock Milan-San Remo win for Gerald Ciolek. No, for us, the pool of potential winners must come from the small pot of galacticos – namely Pogacar and Van der Poel.
When the individuals haven’t been claiming the wins, it has often been their teammates. No disrespect to Jan Tratnik or Jasper Philipsen, but their wins felt as though they were engineered by the megalodon of their respective superteams. Simply, if you can’t bet on the star rider, bet on their teammate!
‘Witnessing greatness’
I am tired of the phrase ‘witnessing greatness’. In the barrel of Classics commentator clichés, there is none more eye-rolling than this. It feels like the passive-aggressive one-liner that’s deployed to gaslight the cycling viewer into enjoying the pain-stakingly dull race they just spent hours watching on the couch during a valuable Sunday.
‘Witnessing greatness’ feels like the ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ of sports journalism.
I am tired of people fooling themselves into enjoying the race just so they can justify spending the four hours on a Sunday afternoon watching some men dressed in Lycra ride around rural Belgium all for it to end in a foregone conclusion.
Quite frankly, a three-minute winning advantage in Paris-Roubaix is alien. There was not one moment where Van der Poel’s inevitable victory was in doubt. The only thing stopping him from glory would have been a melting glacier, seismic activity or a pair of teenage girls knocking on his hotel room door. Not even a fan throwing their cap in his tracks could bring his chances down.
From the sorts of distances that he and Pogačar have recently attacked from for the win, they have suspended us in a one-hour-long wait for the most expected of finales. With an obvious winner-elect emerging from 50km to go, the structure of the race crumbles. The race dynamic becomes chaotic and down-right futile. Despite what you try to tell yourself, no rider is really dreaming of finishing in second place. The spectacle is deflated and to be honest, the achievement’s razzmatazz is diminished. We need the glitz and glamour of a real competition for the Classics. Without that, we lose that Midas touch.
Discourse for discourse’s sake
The cherry on top of this most odious of Classics seasons has to be rooted in a neverending chain of discourse. The perpetual echo chamber of social media has made every Classics headline a polarising debate in the 2024 cycling zeitgeist, producing hot topic after hot topic. And what for?
On the app formerly known as Twitter, users have felt inspired – much to the fatigue of others – to discuss the state of affairs, to slam the opinions of others, or to speculate the extent of riders’ injuries.
Take chicane-gate for instance. Whether it was Van der Poel poo-pooing the alteration to the course or Matteo Jorgenson’s grotesque post about rider safety on the run-up, the 2024 Classics have made discussion and debate endless.
Even to the extent where Van der Poel is under attack from booing fans in Belgium and Pogačar is being urged to slow down by spectators – the Classics campaign has never felt as hostile as it has in 2024. Cycling should feel like an open forum, not like you’re on stage with tomatoes being hurled at you from all angles.
Sunshine and rainbows
When we look back on 2024, we will probably forget all about this most unspirited of Classics campaigns. At least we have worthy winners and cool photos to look back on. Never have we seen so many riders lift their bike across the finish line. For that, I am grateful.
We can only be left hoping for more in the upcoming Grand Tour cycle. However, with a bare-bones Giro d’Italia startlist and a Tour de France that faces some serious existential redrawing, it is hard to motivate ourselves for what’s to come in 2024.
Let’s stay positive though. With the prospect of new emerging superteams, transfer reshuffles and a more spread-out Grand Tour programme, we can only wish for a full knickerbocker glory of a Classics season in 2025. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that this debate won’t be re-opened at Milan-San Remo 2025 when Mathieu van der Poel storms up the Poggio with a 20-minute advantage over the peloton. A man can only hope.
Want more photos, check out our enormous gallery from Paris-Roubaix men’s and women’s races
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